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In a frust mood swings recently - actually a 180 degrees turn!.. It's been awhile since I last visited this dark part of me.. I don't exactly know what started it.. Could be I read too much into such but then again, what's with the lack of encouragement?!? Does it mean that every freaking things we do is susceptible to critics and those so called god damned constructive feedbacks?
I've been around enough to know what I can do and cannot do.. What I cannot do is when people around are so keen with limiting creative thinking and boundaries... Why the hell then are they using their brain for? Why not just get some programming jammed nut into their soul-less body?
I'm sorry I just don't get it.. I've stayed quiet far too long; be patience about it far too long; cornered into agreeing far too long!!! I've been trying to understand over and over again and again and whatever carefully crafted words you used - it just doesn't buy me over!
For god sake; please preach what you are saying.. You wanted outward bound, taught about how we should stretch at the same time, you baulked at the idea of going through the journey itself.
What a freak! It's just my first time anyway and the least kind of feedback would have been how you appreciate it in my shoes! Just being mum about how I truly feels doesn't mean I'm automatically can be treated like a 2nd class citizen - changing as and when, pretending to be supportive yet grumble at the back.. I doubt your so called professionalism..
Something is definitely brewing inside me.. I don't know what's coming but somehow guilty to let you go through the innate part of me.. I am without fault and I couldn't help thinking I might have let you down abit with my elaborated thoughts and desire - what I want, what I picture, what I truly feel like doing..
It didn't quite fit into your picture that was why there was such concerns... I can only fault myself.. Horrible maybe.. heavy hearted definitely.. I just wished I could take back the descriptive moments and shoved it off into the dark crevices of my brain.. Really.. Perhaps then, I wouldn't feel such torn..
