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Had we lived one hundred and twenty years ago we would not have heard the plural noun "values," meaning the moral beliefs and attitudes of a society. Until then the word "value" was used only as a verb meaning to value or esteem something or as a singular noun, meaning the measure of a thing, for example, the economic value of money, labour or property.
Over the years the concept of values was absorbed unconsciously and without resistance into the ethos of modern society just as the word values was absorbed into the vocabulary. Values have become whatever any individual, group or society chooses for any reason. The old virtues have been demoralized and personalized to become values.
With the growing use of the word values, the word virtues; those traits of character that aspire to moral excellence like honesty, compassion, courage and perseverance, fell into disuse. But contrary to people's belief and hope, virtues did not die but become regarded as moral or objective core values.
Values, as we now know them, can be either preferences or principles, which represent the opposite ends of the moral spectrum.
Values that are preferences, like any other preferences, whether it is for tea or coffee, for long rather than short hair, are personal choices that are subjective and able to be changed at any time. On the other hand, values that are principles, like honesty and compassion, are consistent, universal, transcultural and objective.
The greatest difference between the two types of values is that preference values are some thing "to have," in the same way as one may have a skateboard or a bag of marbles, while values that are principles, are something "to be." In fact, the most important thing to be, like, honest, kind, compassionate and responsible.
Many did not understand was that virtues, moral or objective core values, worked in three interrelated parts; moral knowing, moral feeling and moral behaviour, that connect to good character.
To possess the objective core value of, for example, compassion, one must first understand what compassion is and know what it requires of one's relationship to others. To be compassionate one must have moral knowledge, but that does not make one compassionate.
That requires the addition of a moral feeling about compassion, being emotionally committed to it, having the capacity for appropriate discomfort when one behaves without compassion, and being capable of moral indignation when one sees others victims of suffering, exploitation or greed.
But again, moral knowledge and moral feeling do not make one compassionate. One must behave with compassion; acting compassionately in one's personal relationships and carrying out one's obligations as a citizen to help build a caring and just society.
Compassion, like all objective core values, requires the involvement of the head and the heart together with the hand.
The three parts of an objective core value, moral knowledge, moral feeling and moral behaviour are directly linked to good character. Good character is the habit of knowing the good, the habit of desiring the good and the habit of doing the good.
The teaching of objective core values like honesty, kindness, compassion, respect and responsibility by parents and schools is essential if communities are to restore and advance their social cohesion.
Well, I swear I'm having a hard time myself - trying to manage. And that managing is driving me crazy and understandably, pushing you away instead. Yes, I've tried joking about it, keeping it repress and looking at your stand - it's hard indefinitely, especially the way I looked at it hollistically.
Maybe the best way to resolve 2 people standing on different circles is really for one party to give in. And there is no other answer to it than myself...
