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You start out having perspectives, preferences, opinions, desires and attitudes that you feel reflect you as a person and then once you find yourself in a relationship, be it with a lover or a friend you slowly but surely start sacrificing these for new perspectives, preferences, opinions, desires, and attitudes that more reflect those of the person you are in relationship with. Meanwhile you start to feel as if you and your life are slowly dissolving away. You start to feel perhaps uncertain as to who you really are and what you stand for. You perhaps find yourself feeling like a passive participant in a life that does not truly reflect your deepest innermost desires. You start to feel a deep sense of emptiness and a great deal of self doubt. You sense a growing sense of sadness and possibly even the specter of depression. Perhaps this leads also to feelings of anger towards the other as well as yourself. Perhaps you find yourself unconsciously sabotaging yourself in ways that lead to the demise of the relationship and there after feeling badly about what happened and about yourself.
What is at the root of such a pattern?
There may be many things such as:
1. The need to please others in order to feel loved appreciated or validated.
2. The fear that asserting one's true self might lead to being rejected.
3. The fear of being criticized by the other.
4. The need to avoid feeling guilt at any cost.
5. Feelings that you don't deserve a right to your own opinions, desires, preferences etc.
These items and many others like them are similar to the programming one finds in your computer. They literally have programmed you to feel and behave in ways that severely constrict you and your ability to manifest your life in the ways that feel right and true for you. The result is that you "do not" manifest what you desire and that is akin to "not living"!
Living in such a "straight jacket" however is not what is desired by anyone or by the Life Force that lives inside you. Hence it is natural for one who is programmed in such a way to feel a deep sense of frustration about their situation. Indeed this frustration is a normal and healthy response to the constrictions one is experiencing. It along with the desire to feel and be free and expansive are the driving forces that lead one to seeking a way to freedom.
"dear god, would i ever see the light of such day - to feel even a fleeting moment of freedom.."
